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| Q: Note cards make me pine for school. My most frequently used accessories include red plastic-rimmed glasses, hair clips and cardigan sweaters. What am I? |
The last two years have been difficult for me (sorry to all of my friends who have been around during this time & had to deal with my insanity! Kisses to you all!). Especially over the last few weeks, I have found myself in a Funk with a capital F. More than anything, I despise persistent sadness and anxiety. When you are diagnosed with a serious illness, it is so easy to fall into the welcoming arms of self-pity. However it is much more fulfilling to eschew this "easy" emotion and tap into a reserve of courage you didn't even know existed within you.
Every few years, especially when I am experiencing something difficult, I like to assess my place in life. When you work a 9-5 job, it's easy to forget what is truly important to you, what you want out of life, and the behaviors you should improve in order to be a better person. Typically, this is something I do privately, but I thought this would be a good place to share...
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So...without further ado...WHO IS ANNA?
THE GOOD:
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| This should be in my tool box. |
I am compassionate, confident, and quick to flash a genuine smile. Laughter is the best medicine - that's probably why my pulmonary embolism did not kill me. I laughed it all the way into a non-deadly artery. I am funny, playful and easily amused. I balance this out by being dedicated and serious when it comes to the Important Things. I love, love, love my job!* I love communicating with others in positive ways. I am Strong, with a capital S, for real. My favorite past-times are being helpful and making crafty junk. (And then giving said crafty junk away to my friends. :) I love more things than I hate and I prefer to enter any situation with an open mind, free of bias. I find great happiness in treating others with respect, dignity and kindness.
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| There is one in every bunch |
THE BAD:
My temper can flare almost as quickly as I can flash a smile. I am often confused about people's intentions, which can create conflict at times. I can be demanding, short, and impatient with people, especially the ones who I care about the most. This has been the number one cause of the downfall most of my failed relationships. Sometimes, I expect too much when I should just let things naturally fall into place. (Can I blame this on being a combined Scorpio and INTJ)? Sometimes, I am too wrapped up in my own head space to be a good listener to anyone else. I hold myself to very high standards and feel disappointed in myself when I am not able achieve my goal.
Oh and I can't forget the crippling anxiety. This one I will blame less on conscious decisions and more on my wacky brain chemistry.
*Work is love made visible ~Khalil Gibran
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WHAT DOES ANNA WANT?
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| It was only a matter of time before this made an appearance. |
The Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs has been the background on my computer for some time now. My goal is to, one day, climb to the top of this pyramid like King Kong, hold a pepperoni roll in my hand and scream, at the top of my lungs (considering they are healed by that point), "I DID IT!!" Then I will fling my imaginary commencement cap to the ground, climb down from the pyramid, eat my pepperoni roll, and resume my day.
This concise graph sums up basically everything I feel I need to live a happy, full life. I want healthy relationships with people who share common interests (duh). I want to reconnect with people I have lost touch with over the years. I want to heal my body and my mind so I can be the best damn Anna I can be. My job allows me the opportunity to help people in need - I want to continue my career with my current organization, and move up the ladder so I can eventually be more helpful to more people in need. I want to learn to accept myself for who I am - my problems, my shortcomings, my positive qualities are all a part of me. I can either take it or leave it.
In a nutshell, I want what most people want: happiness, love, and the ability to make others feel happy and loved.
How can I achieve my goals and be a better person?
- I need to be a better listener - both to others and to my own mind/body.
- I need to let go of the past and look to a future which will probably be great.
- However, I cannot let go of the past completely. I can rebuild my life by creating a foundation with my happy memories, positive experiences and lessons learned from past mistakes. On that foundation, I can add new positive experiences and new lessons learned to create a "house" that is safe, nurturing, and inviting.
- Everyone is allowed an angry outburst every now and again, but I do not want this to become part of my personality. You know, the golden rule and all (which, if people were more-self aware, empathetic, and in tune with their minds, would probably be the only rule we would ever need).
- Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. From this point forward, I will think twice, no thrice, about any potential negative words that may come from my lips.
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The birds are still chirping and the sun is still shining. Every day is a learning experience and I am dedicated to keeping my eyes and mind open.
This post is brought to you by Sesame Street, the letter H (for Heparin!) and Cathy Clark, who is, hands down, the most strong & inspiring person I know. Oh, and the number 3, because I like odd numbers.
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