This post is not about lunggunk

I love you more than words can tell.

Grief is a futile emotion. You wish for someone who isn't here and who isn't coming back. You replay every spent moment in your mind and all the moments that will remain unspent. You feel guilt for every word uttered and every word left unspoken.

I miss my husband. I miss his voice. I miss his kiss, his touch, the look in his eyes when he was pleased. I miss his presence.

There is no worse feeling than loving someone who is no longer in this world.

Photos keep him alive. His music is a treat to my otherwise deaf ears. The only thing that is missing is his body when I roll over in the middle of the night, sleepily expecting him to be there. What I wouldn't give to kiss his shoulder blade...

Tonight, I will listen to the songs that remind me of him. He is not coming back but if I hold my breath and concentrate, I can feel his lips on mine. Ben was a better person than I could ever hope to be. His memory animates me and pushes me forward. To anyone who is pessimistic, I say there is a person out there who will complete you. Ben was the other half of me who was good, beautiful, and sweet. At thirty, I can confidently state that I met the love of my life. He is gone, but I will spend the remainder of my days loving him as well as I can.