This is my blog and I will cry if I want to

HA HA!

Dammit, Life! Yesterday was so good! I even went to bed with a smile on my face. Why do you mistreat me so? 

It is almost comical when the stars align with such precision that every possible thing that could go wrong will go wrong and at exactly the same time. My day started with so much chest pain that I had to call the doctor to reschedule my appointment. Isn't that funny? I was going to see the doctor about my chest pain but my chest pain prevented me from going. Hee, hee, hee. 

I didn't even get to have my coffee yet before I began to roll my sisyphean bolder of anxiety up and down and up and down the imaginary mountains that exist in my brain. 

We all knows what happens when too much anxiety is combined with Pulmonary Embolism injuries - TROUBLE BREATHING! After a cute little bout of hyperventilation, I collapsed, exhausted, on the floor causing a very nice bruise on my very sore ass. (Well, it was more like my outer thigh, but I wanted to use a swear). 

All of these events were so absurd to me that I could do nothing but laugh. And then I started thinking about all of the minor annoyances that one encounters in day-to-day life, and felt pretty lucky I don't currently have an ingrown toenail. (Seriously, that shit would probably push me over the edge by this point). 

An appropriate response to a passive aggressive letter

Here is a list of mildly annoying things that did not happen to me today:

• A bird did not poop on my head
• The cats did not vomit in the bathtub again, bless their little hearts
• I did not receive one passive aggressive email today
• Nobody carved the word "ASS" into the hood of my car
• My professionalism was not insulted by men who think it is appropriate to address colleagues as "dear" or "honey" when you are saying something they don't agree with
• I did not find any severed digits in my Campbell's vegetable soup
• All urine and fecal matter made it into the toilet, where it belongs
• NO PAPERCUTS

So it wasn't all bad. Hopefully the universe is not spying on me to make all of my nonexistent mild annoyances come true!

Tomorrow's episode: Is an ER visit in our protagonist's future? Or can she finally make it through a week without having to take a trip to the hospital? Stay tuned!