Hospital Food Blog

I'd do me. 

The picture on the right was taken the morning after my admission, before any morphine injections were administered. "That girl looks so happy. How can that be?" you ask. The answer is simple: Allegheny General Hospital is like a resort with slightly more MRSA and slightly less Jimmy Buffett. Actually, I heard zero Jimmy Buffett during my stay, so that is one more point in AGH's favor. And I also didn't get MRSA!

Can you believe the night before I was crying my eyes out convinced that I was going to die? Not to mention, I thought I would have to hand over my cell phone and shoelaces to a stony-faced nurse who wants nothing more than to give me a Thorazine shot in my ass.

Imagine my surprise when an attractive male nurse walked into my room asking me how I slept and if I needed anything. For a second, I thought that, maybe, I died and this was heaven. Quickly, I remembered that my Catholic family did not baptize me, so when I die, I will be floating around in purgatory forever. So, this male nurse is real, I am in a bed made of clouds, and there is a tray of pancakes sitting in front of me, smelling good and waiting to get shoved into my mouth.

Said pancakes were quickly shoved into my mouth and they were delicious. They were served with cornflakes, orange juice, black coffee, and a banana. I ate EVERYTHING. Here is a sad admission about my life: I have never ordered room service ever. I'm too poor for that. This felt like room service that didn't cost a million dollars and was delivered by the friendliest gentleman in Pittsburgh. And it came to me three times a day!!!

Food of the Gods

Anyone who knows me in real life has been annoyed at least once by my picky nature. In general, I love more things than I hate but this, unfortunately, does not apply to food. My pickiness has ruined dinners*, has prompted me to order off the kids' menu at fancy restaurants, and has broken many hearts. I do not hide the fact that I have the palate of a five year old.

My favorite food is chicken, especially when it is in finger form. The staff must have known I was coming because this was a menu option every single day I was there. And so was PIZZA. I did branch out a bit, though, and ate baked chicken with mashed potatoes, and even ordered grilled cheese and green beans one night!

Hospital food is the subject of many jokes, I know. But the food at AGH was more than simply edible...it was GOOD. The next time I find myself in that part of town, I am going to make a special trip to the cafeteria to have some chicken. You know, for old time's sake.

*One of my least favorite types of food is Thai food. Once, I was at a friend's home and his mother was serving some type of meat covered in gross looking Thai-inspired sauce. In the interest of politeness, I took a bite and as soon as the food was in my mouth, I knew I had a problem. I chewed the meat and gross sauce as much as I could until, mechanically, I pushed the offending substance out of my mouth using my tongue. It hit the plate with a wet thud.